She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
