I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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