Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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