She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
