i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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