I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
