I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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