Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
