I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
