The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
