I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
