if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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