I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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