I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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