A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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