I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
