Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
