i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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