He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
