if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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