Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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