I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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