come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
