I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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