he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
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Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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