yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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