When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
