We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
