cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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