she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
