We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
