2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
