I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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