Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize