Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
how drunk are you?
Several
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
