It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize