You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
