the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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