i love accidental penises.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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