Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I need a beard to bite.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
