i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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