Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
