i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
