what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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