So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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