maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
