The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
