Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
