I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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