people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
