He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
