Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
