so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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