I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
