Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
