You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
