Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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