she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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