I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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