And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
