just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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