theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
