I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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