i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
