Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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