you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
