we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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